About Birth Parents

I want to say a few things about birth parents. Our two youngest children are adopted from foster care. In most cases, children are in foster care because they were abused or neglected. In general, social services does not take children from happy, loving, and safe homes. (Yes, it does happen, but it’s rare) Our adoptions were not happy ones. We weren’t handpicked from loving birth parents who chose our family to raise their children. We were picked by the county as the best home for the child in that emergency minute. Our life isn’t about newborn open adoptions or international adoptions, where children are placed by their parents. So my words about my birth parents, may be harsh, may be angry, and when I look at my beautiful babies, I feel they are justified. I am working incredibly hard to be loving towards them. It’s a daily battle. A bout of night time seizures makes my blood boil. It’s hard to be loving towards the person who hurt my daughter. A missed visit, makes my heart sad, that effort is not put forth.

I do not wish to offend anyone who has lovingly placed their child for adoption. That is an amazing sacrifice, to do what’s best for your child, to give them life at all. But, that is not my case, my son’s case, or my daughter’s case. They were removed from their homes, their parents, because of trauma, neglect, and abuse. Their beginnings are sad. The rest of their lives, well, I hope they are amazing. But, they will always know, this isn’t where they started. One day we have to break their hearts and tell them the truth about the people who gave them life. And that breaks my heart.

If my words towards any of the birth parents in my life are angry at times, be patient with me. I try not to speak ill of them, but they are in my life in one way or another. Times come when I am bitter and, well, pissed off at their actions. I will try my best to keep this from happening, but I know it will. It’s all part of our story.

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2 thoughts on “About Birth Parents

  1. Rachael says:

    My love- how connected we are. Through Christ first and foremost but also is feel through the world of adoption. Us on opposite ends of the spectrum. But know even though I’m a birth parent you never have and never will offend me with your feelings. My story is a loving one, while your twos parents were not. I’m angry with you for them! I’d love a few choice words and beatings for those parents myself. So no worries with me because we have that unspoken understanding. You were born to be an incredible woman and mother. Those children were born to make their journey, although unfair and hurtful straight to the mama that was meant to be theirs. I love you.

  2. Allison says:

    As the sister of one of those parents I want to say that I love the parents that my nephew ended up with. I now have three other nephews and a niece and a sister and brother that I cherish dearly. I hate what I know some of these parents have done to their children. I love you Andrea! you are strong and loving and even when you do have to explain to the babies where they came from they will always know you are their mother and you love them. That will never change. If the parents get mad at your words of truth then maybe they should change their actions.

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