In the Middle of the Night

Carlee’s seizures are showing themselves tonight. She wakes up in tears. That wakes me up. There is nothing to be done. There is no help I can give. I can only stroke her head and rub her cheeks until they pass. I do have one thing on my side, on her side. The name of Jesus. When I’m so upset, so angry, that my baby girl has to suffer, I can’t even pray. But, I can use His name. It’s the only thing I cling to, in the middle of the night.

We talked about healing today. I talked about it with a fellow foster mother. The topic came up later in my evening Bible study class. God has the power to heal. Anyone. There’s a fine line between what He can do and His willingness to do it. It sounds harsh. If He can heal her, why doesn’t he? I don’t know. In the waiting, in the darkness, I can pray for her. I can beg on her behalf. I can hope for a miracle (look at what He’s already done). My friend said she told her daughter “Jesus will heal you. It just might not be on this Earth”. I agree. Jesus will heal my girl. She’ll one day run and laugh and talk until she’s blue in the face. I pray I see it. I pray it’s here on Earth. Here in this world. But, I know it might not be. I can’t explain why. If I could explain God, what kind of God would that be, if a measly human could understand all His way?

So in the mean time, I call on His name. When I can’t form a prayer. When my hands shake in fear and anger for my daughter. I call on His name. I still pray for her miracle. I will never stop praying for her miracle. But, I know He has a plan for her, and I can’t wait to see what it is.

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One thought on “In the Middle of the Night

  1. When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” –John 11:4

    “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” –John 9:3

    These two verses have been my hope through the worst of my disorder. God is going to work this out to glorifying Himself. Keep calling on Jesus. ❤

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