Welcome to the Roller Coaster

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Two years ago there were some foster kids in need. My friend was fighting tooth and nail to keep her kids safe. She hired a lawyer. We all wanted to help. Thus, a book was born.

Fourteen foster mothers got together and wrote our stories. Foster care is full of the highest highs and the lowest lows, sometimes in the same day (or the same hour). There are twists and turns and drops that make your stomach sick. It truly is a roller coaster. Two years later, those children my friend tried so hard to keep, have left. But, her story didn’t end and neither did ours.

Welcome to the Roller Coaster is a book born of love for a particular foster mother and her two kids. It turned into a labor of love for fourteen mothers. For some it was painful to write and others found it therapeutic. For myself, it stirred up many emotions both soul shattering and joyful. The authors are all anonymous, unless we choose to identify ourselves.

Fourteen mothers raising over 135 foster children. This book is a snapshot of some of those stories. If you’re interested in foster care or if you’ve ever thought about it, this book is for you. Foster care is hard and dirty and best and the hardest thing we’ve ever done. This book is full of all those truths.

The book is available for pre-order until December 14th. It is $14.99 plus shipping. Eventually, it will be available on Amazon and as an e-book. This is our first printing. Our hope is to have this book to you by Christmas (though it’s not a guarantee).

Come along and cry and laugh with us. Stand in line and get ready for the best roller coaster of your lives! You can order at http://welcometotherollercoaster.blogspot.com/

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Forgiveness

It’s been awhile (again). My poor neglected blog. Tonight, I’m thinking about forgiveness. It’s a cornerstone in the faith. Forgive as you have been forgiven. And all the jazz. There is little I don’t forgive. However, that little is growing. I want with all my heart to forgive Matthew’s birth mother, Carlee’s birth mother, and my ex-sister in-law. But, I can’t. They never personally wronged me. They hurt my kids. My nieces. I have no forgiveness in me for them. I hate that. Every time I think I’m getting close, there’s another hurt that makes itself known. There’s another news article my precious son will read one day. There’s another bout of seizures that makes my daughter cry. There’s another saying from my niece, words she shouldn’t have hear. I know forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about letting it go in my own heart. Who cares if they try to make up for their actions, that’s not the point. The point is my own heart. The unforgiveness festering into bitterness. Wondering why they weren’t punished enough. I struggle with it a lot. I’m thankful that Carlee’s birth mother has found a mentor of sorts. Someone who doesn’t harbor the anger that I do. I’m so glad she has her in her life. She needs to see what went wrong and ways to fix it. She needs that motherlyish love. She won’t be getting it from me anytime soon. Matthew’s birth mother is in prison, where hopefully she’ll remain until he’s well into adulthood. But it will be long before adulthood that we’ll have to have a conversation. “Who gave birth to me?” and though he’s been here since he was 35 days old, there is a world of pain waiting. And I hate it. Pain from the woman who gave him life, the life she stole from his sister and brother, the family members that chose not to be in his life though they had the chance, and where he stands in the middle of those feelings. I don’t even know how to begin that conversation. A little at a time based on age, but the hurt it will cause him, even if he chooses to ignore it, to me that’s unforgivable. She’s going to cause my son pain. My sister-in-law allowing the worst thing to happen to a child, happen to my firstborn niece. Her neglect, her abuse, her verbal sewage. I’m furious on my nieces behalf. I don’t forgive her.

But I want to. I know it’s the “right” thing to do. I don’t know how.