Self Care

We were snowed in today. Again. Yesterday was 67 and I was able to get out on Main Street with a friend and walk. Today it snowed four inches. I am over winter.

When we started foster care our first placement was such a joy. When he left, we had a baby girl. A sweet little girl who screamed bloody murder whenever I held her. She much preferred my husband. The screaming and her leaving caused me to end up in the ER twice with a “heart attack”. It was anxiety. I’ve been dealing with that issue for three years.

It’s mostly under control. I have learned that I need self care to keep the attacks under control. This winter has been dragging on and on and on. It’s been hard to get out and walk. With Carlee’s appointments, the snow, homeschooling, being a wife and mother,  I’ve been running myself into the ground. Last week I decided I had had enough. I started walking/jogging and while I’d never win The Hunger Games or out run a zombie, it’s a start. Taking care of myself is imperative to taking care of my family. My Carlee needs me at my best. Especially since we’ve been spending every night this week waking the middle of the night. I know a lot of special needs moms need ‘me’ time. It’s not selfish. It revives me and makes me a better person for them. We all need to cut ourselves some slack.



What Goes Bump In The Night

Carlee has no sense that her new crib is an actual bed. I understand this. She’s been sleeping confined somehow for the last year. I hope this bed can hold up to her actions! I’m pretty sure she thinks it’s a soft play yard. She’s bumping around every night from 2-4. Laughing and carrying on. It’s great for her, but dang, I’m tired. I’ve been a terribly light sleeper since I became a mother. Every little bump, especially from her, wakes me up.

At two in the morning, I checked on her. She saw me and flapped her little arms and smiled a genuine smile. She toddled over to me to lift her out. This is all new just since we’ve gotten the bed. It’s so nice to see her acting her age. She saw mama and wanted out of that bed!

Mama loves you sweet girl! Mama also loves sleep.

Sweet Dreams

Carlee can climb out of her crib. Most three year olds can. However, she has no sense of self preservation. She doesn’t fall with her hands out to stop her. She isn’t aware of her surroundings. And she can flip out of a crib an onto her head in three seconds flat. Seriously, she could win a gold medal at getting out of a crib in the most unsafe way possible. When she got the feeding tube, we were concerned she would pull the tube out at night, or flip over the edge. She started sleeping in a swing. We bought the biggest swing we could find. It was supposed to hold up to forty pounds. It did not. Then she started sleeping in a car seat that was angled in a wooden box, so she could still recline without tipping herself over. She slammed around so hard in there that she broke the wooden box. Popped the sides right out, nails and all. Then she started sleeping in the car seat in the crib. It was tied down so she wouldn’t tip herself over. She has gotten out of the car seat and flipped out of the crib like some sort of baby Houdini.

We looked into getting her a safe crib. The prices are insane. As if special needs parents don’t have to pay more for every single thing for their child, the beds are in the thousands of dollars. We filed with the insurance and they turned us down at every chance. Finally, since Carlee maintained her Medicaid in her adoption, Medicaid picked up the tab. After a three month wait, her bed was delivered and set up today. Here’s a before and after!


She’s very much enjoying the space and not being strapped into a seat to sleep. In this moment I can hear her banging around in there. Her bedroom is right through our bedroom. She’s even giggling a bit. She’s safe and has a safe place to sleep and even play around in. Just for safety’s sake, I did put tights on her so hopefully, she can’t use her toes to wiggle herself out. I can’t imagine she would, but like I said, Houdini.

Here’s my girl, ready for bed. Sweet dreams little lady!