In My Dreams

We’ve heard Carlee’s voice just one time. The first night she was here, my husband said “say dada” and she did. That was the first and last time we’ve ever heard her true voice. Many nights a week, she talks in my dreams. She doesn’t carry on the conversations of a typical three and a half year old. Last night she was just baby babbling, like a six month old would. She turned and looked at me and said “hi mama”, I woke up with tears on my cheeks.

We are helping Carlee find her voice. The hope from the specialists is that her brain will ‘rewire’ itself and she can speak again. We don’t know if that will ever happen. We can’t wait around for that moment either. She’s made big strides in communicating since she had the feeding tube put in. She can sign ‘more’ in her own way, but we know what she means. She has a happy head dance when she’s excited about something. She makes a very specific sound when she sees us getting her cup of juice ready. She’s turning to voices more. She definitely knows when daddy comes home. It’s another specific sound. We’re working on a communication board for meal times. Pictures of her food so she can point and tell us what she wants. She’s signed ‘eat’ a few times.

My eldest son signs ‘hug’ for her multiple times a day before he hugs her, he’s desperate for her to sign it to him. As much as I want her to sign her needs to us, I really want to see her ask him for a hug!

For a little girl with no words, she sure has a lot to say!